My many lives

Hindus believe in reincarnation: after death the soul is reborn in a different body, living a cycle of lives until it ultimately attains enlightenment.

The funny thing is, since adolescence, my life has been a series of living reincarnations. Yes, I know that everyone goes through changes, and life doesn't stay the same for anyone, but I think maybe I have chopped and changed a lot more than the average thirty-something out there. I seem to have a thing for reinvention.

Part of the reason for this, is my 'puttylike' personality (see my former post on multipotentiality). I have always had a lot of interests, and found it so difficult to find a specialism. At any one given time, I have about ten or more ideas and projects that I am working on, or swimming around my head, and this has made it incredibly difficult for me to be pinned down at any point.

Whenever I think back to one of my past 'lives', it is with some surprise and even a little disbelief - "Did I really do that? Was that really me?" and when I talk about some of those past lives to friends, everything sounds so surreal. Have I really lived through more changes than the average person?  I'm not sure, you be the judge. Here is a brief run-down of my main incarnations:

1. Nerd
This is one I have not grown out of. I was no ordinary nerd. I was a super nerd. My main domain was the school library , where I obsessed over Thomas Hardy, the ancient Greeks, time travel, and Apartheid, among other things.

2.Artist
Suddenly I'm alternative and a bit frightening. Even though I ended up studying design, I was always more of a Fine Artist. During this incarnation, I traveled to Paris, Amsterdam, Spain and Germany. I traveled around Northern India on my own, completely ignored my body's circadian rhythm and spouted leftist politics.

3.Small time Editor
Out in rural Oxfordshire, I started working for a company that produced magazines about recycled printer cartridges?? I worked in a shed in the middle of nowhere, with an outdoor toilet. I walked for miles through the English countryside to get to work every day. People stared at the color of my skin, and I learned to be competent with computers, talk to tech people, and fix printers.

4. Fashionista
Back in London  I actually worked as a personal shopper and stylist, not just to frenzied teenagers, but stars. I have stood in the same dressing room as Liz Hurley, hunted down dresses for Kate Moss, and taken care of Jamie Oliver's pregnant wife. I did on-stage makeovers, dressed models at shoots, and attended fashion shows. People would take pictures of the way I dressed for papers and magazines (I still have copies of them!). More importantly, I would think nothing of going into work wearing a sequinned dress and pink stillettos. This led to my next incarnation...

2. PR girl / designer
I worked as a booker at a modelling agency. My most glamorous, vacuous, and least suitable job. This basically involved being yelled at by photographers, booking models on jobs, and attending social events with them. This meant hobnobbing with very famous, and sometimes very obnoxious people, and consuming very expensive food and drink. In order to save my soul,  I made and sold T-shirts in markets around London with a friend. This was a time when I actually was asked to attend a party thrown by Justin Timberlake!?

3. Teacher and academic
Fashion was just not me. Inside I was still a nerd. I started to volunteer my skills at schools, and realized that I loved to teach, and learn. I studied pedagogy, researched about gender roles within Art and Design education, and really enjoyed working with middle and high-schoolers.

4. Stay at home Mommy
Settled in the suburbs with two kids and a husband. How on earth did that happen? Suddenly, I started feeling a real empathy towards my own mom. I have been known to spend hours in the sand box at my local park with my kids, smelling faintly of spit-up and banana, sporting unbrushed hair and cereal stains on my shirt. My gigantic purse would contain diapers, wipes, ointment, baby sunscreen, milk, snacks, two extra sets of clothes, a medical kit, no cell phone (I could never remember it) , and no mirror :)

5. Small business owner, blogger, artist, author and a bunch of other things.
Enough said. I'm still working on this phase.

Actually, after writing all that, maybe all of my different incarnations are not really the abrupt changes I thought they were. Yes, there is a pretty big difference between the 'fashionista' and 'stay at home mommy' lives, but I  realize that a little bit of each phase is still with me.
I'm still pretty geeky (medieval history, and Harry Potter are pretty high on my list of interests), and I have a socialist streak. I still make Art, and am interested in fashion.
Okay, I don't work with celebrities any more, or go to glitzy events, but I'm ok with that. I'll definitely get back into teaching one day, misbehaving printers don't phase me, and I LOVE playing in sand boxes.

So the cycle of lives has made me what I am. I just hope enlightenment is on the way.

Getting in the loop with other artists

So I have a spot at the Ballston Arts and Crafts Market.

This makes me inordinately happy.

Happy like a small child with a great,big lollipop. No, a small child with a great, big, rainbow colored lollipop... with sprinkles. Why is this such a great, big deal to me? I think it is because it will be the first time in a long while that I will be working side by side with other serious artists and crafters. The kind of energy that is produced by this kind of connection cannot be underestimated. It will open up new dialogues for me about how to develop my work, and my skills. It will really get my juices flowing.

Lately to a large extent, I have been working in a vacuum. This is not an ideal situation for any artist - especially me. I miss my college studio days, and my time working in studios in London, when I was surrounded by other artists and designers bouncing ideas off each other and providing a context for our work.

I miss those rigorous critiques, when we would painfully analyze each other's work and bring different (sometimes worrying) perspectives to it.

Many artists and designers miss the studio atmosphere when they leave college, and they seek to reproduce that atmosphere in their work situations. One of the toughest parts of moving from London to Virginia for me was the loss of my community of creative friends. There are many things I love about Virginia, but it just doesn't match London for me in terms of providing a stimulating Arts environment.

Of course, I've also been busy growing my young family, so I really have not put enough energy or time into finding or becoming a part of the professional arts scene here, my priorities and lifestyle have changed. But I do miss the friction a good critique produces. I miss connecting with other professional artists, designers and crafters.

So being a part of The Ballston Arts and Crafts Market is a step in the right direction for me. Ready or not, here I come.

Multipotentiality and me, and the kids

Well I have found out what I am - a multipotentialite. Yep, apparently that's me.

I stumbled across this when looking at the Puttylike website, which is a lifestyle design site for multipotentialites.

"What is this 'multipotentiality'?" I hear you say (by the way, it's a bugger of a long word to keep retyping, so I'm going to try avoiding it as much as possible). Emily Wapnick, the founder of Puttylike, defines a multipotentialite as -

"a person who has many different interests and creative pursuits in life. Multipotentialites have no "one true calling" the way specialists do" -2012 Puttylike

She goes on to discuss the way we pursue many goals at the same time, and thrive on discovery, and learning new things constantly.

An important aspect of this is the way many Multipotentialites bring their many interests together in unexpected and creative ways leading to groundbreaking outcomes.

I'm not going to ramble on about this much more. The website puttylike.com does a much better job of explaining the terminology, and is an addictively interesting read.

Anyway, spurred on by a forum on the site, I have been thinking about how having two children has affected the way I function as a multipotentialite.

Let me start by saying that my children are the most wonderful part of my life, and I love them more than anything in this world.

This does not mean, however, that I haven't had moments of extreme frustration since becoming a mother. I will not lie, there have been many times that I have felt frustrated that I couldn't pursue a project or take a course because of my life responsibilities. Having always been highly productive with my varied activities, and a free spirit who was always on the move, I had to rethink my lifestyle when I became a mother.

First of all, I rearranged my day. I always get up a couple of hours before the kids do and have some time to do something on my own. This is an amazing energy boost believe it or not.

Secondly, I accepted that while there where many things that I couldn't fit into my new lifestyle, there are so many amazing new experiences that kids bring with them.

My kids are the biggest source of inspiration that I have, and have opened me up to so many new experiences that I may never have had otherwise.

An example: taking my kids to the library regularly reintroduced me to kids books, and made me realize how much I love story telling. As a consequence, I am now writing and illustrating my first children's book. It's amazing how the dots connect.

My children have also reintroduced me to old passions, things I had forgotten that I loved. When my daughter started dance classes, I began to practice at home too. Water fights, playgrounds and singing with wild abandon in the car have become new-old interests.

Oh, and little kids look at everything with interest, and love discovering new and unexpected things - a perfect match for the multipotentialite in me!

Basically, even on those days (or weeks) when I am stuck at home looking after sick, grumpy kids, and craving a bit of sunshine and adult company, it pays to remember the positive things that the kids bring to my life, and dwell on those. I know that there are times when this can be difficult to do.

As for that course that I wanted to take. Some other time.

Well it has been a while since I sent any messages out into the Big, Wide Open.

Over the past year and a half I have taken a long break from Noctiluna, teaching, and making Art.

'Break' doesn't sound quite right. In my mind there has been no break. I am constantly coming up with ideas, and making plans about work I want to complete. I have a notebook that I scribble in all the time with ideas for children's books. I hear about things that friends and former colleagues are working on, and fantasize about similar projects brewing in my head. No, mentally I have definitely not taken a break.

The decision to stop working was not made consciously by me. Before my son was born I thought "This will be great - I can spend time with the kids, and work from home, my work hours will be more flexible and things will work out better all around".

But I don't think that working in that way was possible for me. When I start working on a project, a part of my brain is always immersed in that project. I think that to an extent, Art can be a selfish profession, where people can live in their own heads very much. Introspection and a constant dialogue running through your head, can be a difficult thing to handle with two kids holding onto your legs asking endless questions.

Recently, I watched a film about the poet, Sylvia Plath. During scenes where she sat at her desk furiously scribbling out pages of poetry for hours, I kept thinking "where are her kids? What are they doing?"

That's the thing. The "where are my kids? what are they doing" part of my brain has asserted itself to such a great extent, that I have not been able to focus the way I used to on my work.

So, I put the Artist part of me on the back burner, just for a while. Professionally, I have been working here and there, no huge projects have happened over the past year. The business has been static. Teaching has not been physically possible with a baby to take care of, but I am sure that I will get back to it, it is my calling, another great passion.

Then something happened. The little one started daycare. Both of the kids are at school for a set number of hours every day. I have time to work again. Yes, my work day is still dotted with chores related to home life, and my hours are greatly shortened. Yes, one of them always falls sick every other week (it is a conspiracy). But this is it!

I have officially started to 'work' again (I have included the quotation marks, so as not to offend all the stay-at-home moms out there, who work harder than most of us, without getting paid).

I have been writing and illustrating a story book for children, which will help them learn about composition, and how to tell stories using shapes, marks and patterns. Visual education. Confusing? I hope it won't be. I still have not started looking for a publisher.

I feel like a child with a new toy, so many new possibilities. Writing a blog regularly will, I hope, help to keep me on track. Watch this space for updates!